


How to Date Warrior Women

by Comicfan



Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-24 19:45:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14960984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comicfan/pseuds/Comicfan
Summary: Dick and Roy are a little concerned that Jason might not be prepared to romance a woman like Artemis. Their own experiences with warrior ladies lead them to believe it's better to prepare Jason.





	How to Date Warrior Women

**Author's Note:**

> Donna 's current status as an Amazon won't be talked about. She's considered one for this talk.
> 
> I wanted to write this before future issues of RHATO. I'm not really worried about the direction or team. I think it will turn out alright. Eventually.

"Are we really going to do this?" Dick asked. It was a rhetorical question since he already knew how Roy felt about the "problem" at hand.

"Dude, you know we gotta have this talk. As his best bud--" 

"Debatable." The dark haired man interrupted with a faint smile on his lips. The archer hadn't liked the implications that the second team of Outlaws were closer to Jason than the first.

"AS HIS BEST FRIEND !" Roy said raising his voice. "And his big bro we have to be the ones to tell him !"

The red head sounded so earnest that it made Dick feel faintly guilty for wanting to bail. His nerves had been killing him and the beer he had drank prior to his friend's arrival had done nothing to calm him.

"Roy...I'm not sure I'm the best person to do this. I never really discussed girls--women, "Dick corrected, "with him. And definitely not like this."

"Exactly ! That's why we gotta do this ! No one else will. Not unless you think Bats has the guts to do it." They both knew how unlikely that was. The red head tilted his head as he gave it some thought. "Well _if_ he's experienced in this area. I kind of figured he would be. Still I don't think Catwoman counts..."

_I don't want to get into **that** and I doubt Jason does either._

"I think I need a..." Dick trailed off when it registered what he was going to say and to whom.

_What a wonderful friend you are, Dick. Deciding to drink in front of your friend in AA. I'm not just a bad brother I'm also a terrible friend._

"Go ahead, man. It's your place. I'll just be in the next room waiting for him."

Dick hadn't eaten since lunch and his stomach felt like it was in knots. When it came to the subject they would be addressing Dick wasn't exaclty a prude but he didn't broadcast his business either. Certainty not to his family and thinking about it made him feel distinctly uncomfortable.

By the time Dick finished his third drink Jason had arrived. His adopted brother stood at his door looking vaguely worried. Making his way to the armchair in from of his coffee table sans drink Dick took a seat. 

"Is everyone okay?" Concern bled into Jason's tone although he tried to look composed.

"What did you tell him, Roy?" Dick knew he should have written the text himself but at the time he hadn't been sure what to write.

"Just that we needed to meet to save a life." The archer gave a careless shrug in response to Dick's glare. "What? You know it's true. Sorta."

"Roy, what the hell ?" Jason scrubbed his face with his hands as if he had hoped to remove all the previous traces of worry he had displayed. "You said an innocent life hung in the balance !"

Making a "so-so" gesture with his hand Roy offers an all too giddy grin. "Still technically true. You are basically the innocent in this scenario."

"Damn it, Roy !" Dick hissed. He wasn't drunk enough to be easily amused but enough to be irritable. Especially when he was already worked up over having this talk. Roy was starting them off on the wrong foot.

Across the table Jason suddenly pulled back and frowned. "Dick...are you drunk?"

"Not nearly enough for this conversation." The older brother grumbled.

"Come on, think of it as practice. I'm sure you'll need it." Roy teased as if repeating this discussion with his other brothers would be hilariously. ...Maybe it would be but Dick had to focus on Jason. 

Patting his friend on the shoulder did nothing to lessen the poisonous looks being directed Roy's way. To prove this point Dick shook his hand off.

"Do another sweep before we get started." Dick ordered.

"A sweep? Dick, what's going on?" Jason's renewed concern made Dick wince because his poor little brother has no clue what was in store for him.

 _It could be worse. We could have asked if Bruce could do this._ The acrobat made a sour face at the mental image **that** brought up. It was almost as bad as the time the Titans were pulling an all nighter and Roy asked if Batman was a fury. Slowly he realized Jason was still waiting for a reply even as Roy dutifully checked the area for bugs. With a sign Dick carded a hand through his hair. "I just don't want Damian to overhear this."

Across the room Roy chuckled. "You probably should have gotten them all together for this. It would have saved time."

"Roy." Dick half heartedly growled.

"Alright. Sheesh. No bugs okay?" Holding up his hands to show he was done teasing he made his way over to them. Taking a chair next to Dick he gestured for Jason to take the sofa across from them. "Take a seat, Jaybird. We need to talk."

Pausing for a moment to study the pair Jason eventually sat down at the end of the cushion. He wasn't relaxed enough to lean against the back which was a little concerning. It not only showed how anxious Jason was but also that he was ready to leap to his feet at a moment's notice. For a moment no one spoke, then the archers' eyes fell on him.

 _I guess Roy expects me to go first. Even though this whole thing was his idea and he was the one that talked me into it._ Taking a shaky breath Dick tried to ignore the negative thoughts about him failing Jason in the past. _I can do this._

"I haven't been the best brother, I admit that. I've always second guess myself when it comes to you. I might not get this right but I want you to know that I'm trying. That I care." It would be impossible to miss the emotion in Dick's voice. A great public speaker like him didn't usually have his voice crack in the middle of a speech.

Jason nodded looking touched by the confession. "Okay. I'm listening, Dick. What is it you want to talk to me about?"

After Jason had died there had been countless times where Dick had found himself pondering the what-ifs. Giving Jason the girl talk, teasing him over his crushes. By the time they were reunited and on speaking terms Dick had already teased their younger brothers over girls they liked. It was a subject he had never brought up for fear of Jason's reaction to his love life being discussed. Then Dick had been invite to join the Outlaws for a mission at the circus. He had seen the way Jason and Artemis acted towards each other.

The way she had pretended to be interested in Dick to make Jason jealous. How Jason was easily baited and reacted with blatant annoyance. The way he looked at her when she intentionally got his attention. Jason was smitten with the Amazon and Dick had found himself unable to say anything directly to him on the subject. Instead he had asked Artemis if they were together. Now he'd finally get the chance to address it with Jason himself.

"You and Artemis." A smile curved it's way onto his face when he saw Jason's eyes widen with surprise before he put on a mask of indifference. Besides him Roy snickered so he must have seen the reaction too.

"Artemis and me? What are you getting at, Dick?" Jason asked in a would be causal tone that only those that knew him could see through.

"That you like her, a lot. I'm pretty sure she feels the same about you." For the briefest of moments Dick saw the delight in his reveal in Jason's eyes before it faded away and doubt filled the void. _You have to have known she feels this way about you, Jay. Or did you think she was just toying with you? Oh buddy, we gotta work on your confidence._

"You--both of you called me here because you want to play matchmaker?" The confusion was stronger than his irritation.

_Don't think I didn't notice, Jay. You didn't deny having feelings for her._

"Nope. We're here to make sure she doesn't kill you." Roy joined in not seeming to get how his statement sounded like Artemis would be pissed that Jason felt the way he did. Sure enough a dark look passed over Jason's features, much to Dicks' distress he noted self-loathing on his face before it was masked.

"Roy doesn't mean it the way it sounds." Dick assured. "He--we just want you to be prepared to enter a relationship."

_I must be worse at this than I thought because Jason looks so sad._

"You think I'll be bad at a relationship?" He sounded small, almost hollow.

"NO ! No, we aren't explaining this well." Glancing over to Roy he noted that the red head seemed to feel just as guilty as he did for upsetting Jason. "This is just going to be awkward mostly because we've never really talked about this stuff. We just want to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into and that you're safe."

"I thought you liked Artemis." Jason arched an eyebrow and Dick mentally prepared himself to explain that he didn't see her that way. "Now you sound like you think she's going to strangle me to death." 

"Only if she does it wrong." Roy muttered under his breath.

"Roy, can you stop making smartass remarks and help me out here? This was your idea !" The alcohol had gone to his head and Dicks' starting to feel sick. His head has already started to throb making his patience slip some. Only then did he realize drinking had been a mistake.

"Sure man." Licking his lips Roy faced Jason with a serious expression. Dick wonders if this was a mistake since the archer was known for having no filter. "Between the two of us Dick and I have date some amazing ladies. Kori and Donna are different than most though. Their warriors and that makes for a different experience. If you're going to be with Artemis we feel like we should let you know what to expect."

"I don't think being in a relationship with her would be the same as Donna or Kori." Was Jason purposely missing the point? The acrobat didn't think so, Jason likely didn't think they would discuss this.

Dick and Roy shared a almost pitying look. It was clear Jason needed their help otherwise he'd be completely overwhelmed.

"Oh Jay. No. That's not--that's not what we mean." The older brother in him cringed at how this talk was going. Why couldn't he just say what was needed? The red head shook his head at him.

_You might as well be blunt, Roy. We've already reached the point of no return._

"We're talking about sex, Jaybird. Sexual Intercourse. Putting the sword in the sheath. And trust me buddy, with women that are regularly on the battlefield--that were raised for it--that can be pretty damn intense. Kori burnt me a lot and I mean that in the literal sense." It had come out in such a rush that Dick couldn't even feel awkward about Roy confessing what state Kori left him in after sex.

"I saw the marks." The youngest admitted tactfully averting his eyes. "And heard you two. I figured that was your thing."

"If it wasn't we wouldn't have been a couple for as long as we were." Roy admitted with a fond look in his eye as he recalled. "That's who I am. I go with the flow and I'm usually down for a lot of things. You got to know your limits though, know what you're comfortable with. Right, Dick?"

_Very smooth._

"Right. In our experience strong women like them have certain...tastes. Preferences that not everyone might be inclined towards." He cringed because this was a little too personal. "While not always...they might like to indulge in dominance plays. In bed."

"More than I ever wanted to know there, Dick." Jason mumbled.

"Amazons have their own kinks, buddy." The red head went on as if he hadn't heard the comment. "The bondage is just the most well known part. Whatever section of the kink wheel Artemis is you need to figure out and what you're comfortable with." 

Dick found himself nodding. "Right. Don't just go along with something to please her. If you're unsure you can test it out but make sure you both know when you're uncomfortable and stop. The same of course applies to her but she might already have a better idea what she likes."

The squawk of protest told Dick that he must of unintentional insulted Jason but he was on a roll. At this stage it felt like he was just giving a mission briefing.

Scratching his chin Roy looked thoughtful. "Yeah, I think you guys should have a lengthy talk beforehand otherwise it might lead to some unpleasantness." 

"Good idea, Roy." Nodding his head in agreement he ignored Jason's half baffled and half horrified expression. "Discuss safe words for when you're okay with something, unsure and when you want to stop. You might need to talk about safety with her but if you have any questions we're here."

"I know a good store if you want to look into what you're getting yourselves into. They have books, toys and clothes." Seeing the brothers staring at him Roy frowned. "Did I go too far? I thought it was good information."

"Do you think we're rushing though this?" The acrobat asked. "Any questions Jason?"

"...Why?" The youngest had his face held in his hands.

"This may take awhile." Roy pulled out his phone and started dialing. "I'll order pizza while you tell Jason when it pays to be flexible."

______

Hours later the answering machine of the Outlaws took a message when no one picked the phone up. Only one of the occupants was actually home at the time just not in a rush to race for the phone.

_"Hey Jaybird ! Sorry if we got a little too graphic there. We care about you and just want you to know what to expect if Artemis decides to go Snu-Snu on you. Just be careful buddy !"_

Having just arrived from the shower and still tying her robe together Artemis paused mid-motion. Her burrow furrowed and her mouth curved down.

"Snu-Snu?"

**Author's Note:**

> If you've seen Futurama you'll get that reference.


End file.
